Christmas and the last few months of my life

I realize that I haven't written in here in close to three months. I realize that the large majority of the time I've spent here so far has been undocumented in this blog, the blog I made specifically to document my year in Deutschland. But I'm horrible at these types of things, and by "these types of things" I don't just mean keeping up a blog, but also keeping in touch with people in general... as anyone who actually cares enough to follow this has already realized.

Part of the reason why I haven't written here for so long is because I began keeping a personal journal to write things that I couldn't (or rather, didn't want to) post online. But some of the things I talked about in there - such as my trip to Prague in October - certainly could've, and maybe should've, ended up here, I just didn't feel like posting them. That's another part of the reason - the time I do get to myself, I usually don't feel like posting in here. And, in all honesty, since the semester started, I have been much busier. It doesn't matter why I haven't written though, because I'm writing now, and hopefully will be writing in the future. No promises.

I could recap how my last few months have been, but it's kind of useless at this point. I've had classes, which have been hard (there's that whole thing about them being completely in German). I had a few minorly large bouts of homesickness in November, just as the program directors told us we would. I've gone out. I've gotten hopelessly lost in the Black Forest. I've continued to make friends, including a German or two. I've seen some really beautiful places - Prague, Munich, Zurich, Strasbourg. I've been really enjoying myself for the most part. But my life has fallen into a routine, and things have become normal, so that I no longer notice all of the time how beautiful Freiburg is, or how lucky I am to be here. Life is life.

And today is Christmas, or Weihnachten as the Germans call it, and it's almost 2:30 pm (note: I woke up at 1; I've been getting a lot of sleep lately), and I'm here, alone aside from Matt Hallock, my visitor of the last few weeks, in a 6 x 10 box, the sun shining in from my window. Only one of my nine floormates has been around for the last few days, and even she is gone at the moment. It's my first Christmas away from home, and while Christmas itself has never really meant much to me, the time with my family has, and I've never felt more disconnected from everyone I know than I do now.

Most of the time I forget that it's strange that I'm here, and everything just seems completely normal, and I don't think about the fact that I've left a life back home. But sometimes it comes back to me and I think, I haven't seen my mom or dad or brothers or friends for four months, I haven't been in East Lansing or Royal Oak or anywhere I'm used to for four months, I haven't driven a car or watched a TV (with the exception of the election) or gone shopping on a Sunday or played beer pong or been in someone's house or gotten a free refill at a restaurant or done anything with any of the people I love at home or any of those seemingly normal things for four months, and I'm not going to do any of those things for seven more months. And it's weird and sad and hard to think about and be okay with, but that's what I signed myself up for when I decided to come here, and I will and do live with it because I have to.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm not enjoying myself here, or that I regret the decision to come here, because that's completely untrue. But it's Christmas, and instead of being cuddled up in my living room with my mom and family, I'm sitting in my little room more than 4000 miles away from everyone.

Later Matt and I are going to head to Vauban (the other side of town, where Becca lives) to have dinner with her and her family, so my Christmas won't be completely void of activity. AND it turns out that the Irish pub is open at 6, so I may just end up sloshed and merry later tonight. I hope to get back in time to call my family around 11 (it'll be 5 pm there). See, it's not so bad.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I miss you and love you a lot.